Messy Minded Momma

My 4-year-old often says he wants to marry me or his dad.

This started around age 2.5, when he first called me his wife during a styrofoam sword fight with his dad. My husband jokingly yelled, “Hey, that’s my wife!” as they dueled, and just like that… it stuck.

Now, my son usually says he wants to marry us during quiet moments such as before bed, or when he’s winding down. At first, my husband and I explained that he couldn’t marry us because we’re his parents and already married to each other. We told him that one day, when he’s older, he’ll meet someone, fall in love, and marry them.

But a few months ago, something shifted.

We took one of his friends to a basketball game for their 5th birthday. The boys lived their best lives that night. Popcorn, gelato, chicken fingers, french fries…watching the game from an executive suite like they had money on it. After every quarter, they’d jump up, sprint down the long-carpeted hallway lined with suites, run back and forth a few times as I’d casually explain to staff that they just “needed to get their sillies out.”

We would get home well past bedtime this night resulting in no bath, and no books, just straight to bed. After dropping his friend off at his home, my son sat quietly in the back seat.

Then I heard it… the softest little sniffle.

“What’s wrong, my love?” I asked.

“I don’t know who I want to marry,” he said. It was the sweetest, most unexpected answer.

I reassured him that he’s still so young and doesn’t need to think about that right now. I told him that when he’s older, he’ll fall in love and when that time comes, he’ll just know.

Last night, after his bedtime routine, I laid beside him when he asked when Daddy would be home from work. I told him “soon,” and he replied that he wants to marry us so we can be together forever.

And that’s when it clicked.

When he says he wants to marry us (or his friends) it’s not about marriage at all. It’s about love and attachment. It’s about feeling safe, secure, and wanting to hold onto the people who make his world feel whole.

When he was worried about choosing who to marry, he wasn’t thinking about weddings or forever in the way we understand it. He was thinking about the people he loves, the friendships he’s built, and who he wants to keep close.

And as his mom… there is no greater feeling than being someone he wants to keep forever.